Roommates
by moredemonthanangel
Summary: AU. Ishida's a detective Renji's a top executive and Ichigo's an assassin.  They are all living together.  What happens? T for language.   I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

Ok so this is a brand new update! I'm finally getting back into this story after sooo long. Yeah I know its been awile. But Ive got fucking college to blame. That is if I was in a college. . . Hate junior year. THIS STRESS IS KILLING ME!

Ok ok deep breath

So any way I'm back. Really review are what brought me bak and reviews will make me stay!

Btw for those of you who have already read this chapter (bless your souls) Ive made a few subtle changes and Im sure that if you read through you'll find them easy

For those of you who didn't . . well . . Then this doesn't apply

Anyways enjoy

I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ANYTHING ELSE

I ONLY OWN MY IMAGINATION AND ITS MY BITCH

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Ichigo Kurosaki opened one eye lazely. His roomates alarm had gone off. Again. And said roomate was sleeping through it. Again.

Ichigo slowly stretched out of his bed knowing he wasn't going to get anymore of the sleep he so desperately needed.

Walking slowly he followed the scent of coffee to the kitchen to get his daily dose of caffine. On his way to the coffee pot he passed his other roommate.

Uryuu Ishida was reading the paper and finishing the last bite of his breakfast.

"Oi! Ishida, you have time to make your damn breakfast but you can't wake up sleeping beauty over there?"

Ishida threw him a look "We've been over this Kurosaki. I make the coffee and you wake up Renji"

Ichigo just mumbled while he poured himself a cup of life. "so how long have you been up?"

"I actually slept in a little today." Ichigo looked at the clock. It was 7 o clock. This was early for normal people. How the hell could he have slept in a little?

Whatever he tried not to think about it, the alarm was still going and he was getting a headache.

"Finally, I thought youd never shut that thing up." He heard Ishida mumble as he left. "Oh and tell Renji that it's his turn to do the laundry."

Ichigo walked into Renji's room. That damned alarm was still ringing. Ichigo turned it off and unplugged it so it couldn't bother anyone ever again. 'now just to wake him up.' That was the hard part. The only reason Renji misses his alarm is cause he snores so. Fricken. Loud. they had tried everything to stop the snoring, but eventually everyone got used to it.

Except there was still the part where Ichigo had to wake him up.

So far water worked the best. and it was Ichigo's personal favorite. Going to Renji's batherroom he took the "bucket of shame" and filled it to the brim. Then, with the evilest smile he could muster, he threw the bucket all over the pineapple's head. The one problem with the bucket was that it wasn't Renji's favorite wake up call.

Renji hated to be woken up.

He hated it even more when cold water was thrown all over his bed.

No matter how amusing it was to other people.

Ishida sighed as he heard Renji chase Ichigo down the hall. 1 screaming curses and throwing various object the other laughing like mad.

Was it sad that this was routine?

Yes. Yes it was.

Maybe they'd be normal if they all woke up later. But their jobs wouldn't allow it.

Renji's boss Byakuya Kuchiki required him to be there nice and early. He was his deputy of the major company, Kuchiki Co. Being a major executive of a major company kind of gave him a bid head but not litterally. His hair did that job for him. His job was to regulate the company and the local shops owned. Basically he decided who was hired and fired in the company along with everything else while Byakuya handled the entire global cooperation.

Ishida was the best detective in Karakura. But he didn't go in till later. He just had an annoying habit of being early for everything. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was constantly hounded by reporters and he had this insane thought that if he went in early enough they would leave him alone. They were always asking him about his latest case, how well he knew Renji, How he was such a good detective and what his secret was, ect. Ect. Ect.

Ichigo worked at a local shop run by that crazy Urahara. Ichigo didn't work as much as the other guys so he worked on taxes and bills and stuff like that. You never, ever, EVER interrupt Ichigo when he's doing taxes. Ishida shuddered when he remembered the time when Renji had accidentally spilled coffee all over Ichigo's tax papers. Before he knew what happened Renji found himself duct taped to the ceiling with a note that said if Ishida even tried to help him he would be next. Renji now found a good excuse to leave the house whenever Ichigo did the taxes.

Everybody had a different job to keep their penthouse apartment running smoothly.

It was sort of like organized chaos.

Ishida started to fold the morning paper up. Some days he just couldn't wait to get to the police department.

Ichigo was watchin TV on the coutch.

'lucky bastard' thought Renji.

"Still don't see why that damn Kuchiki wants me in the building so damn early." Renji said tying his tye.

"Price to pay when you have a big important job."

"Shut up Ichigo, I don't see you rushing on mornings like this."

"That's because my boss is lazy."

"Lucky bastard" Ichigo flipped him off "By the way Ishida, we need food. The only thing left that's slightly edible is the jar of pickles in the fridge."

"Why can't you go to the store? You guys just went a week ago."

"Ichigo and I can't buy food. The only reason there was anything edible in this apartment last time was because Rukia went with us. And she's still mad at us for what happened last time."

"What happened? He asked with fear in his voice."

"Well it's a long story involving a shopping cart. Long story short we aren't allowed in that store anymore."

"Yeah we can't go within a 5 mile radius of that store. They took our pictures and thumbprints." Ichigo chuckled from the coutch. "You should have seen Rukia's face"

Ishida froze. "Wait you guys mean you got banned from another store? That's the 5th one! Can't you guys focus on even one simple task?"

….

"Idiots. I live with idiots" said Ishida "fine but I don't care if you have to go to the next country you both will do the shopping next week."

"Damnit Ichigo come on! If we don't leave right now we're going to be late."

Renji was wearin a suit and tie with his hair pulled back. (anyone else think Renji looks uber sexy in a suit? *is pulled back by Ulquiora* Ulqui: continue with the story your drooling) Ichigo was wearing a T-shirt with a skull and jeans. (Don't worry Ichigo your sexy suit will come soon. OW! No need to push Ulqui)

They left the apartment and got into Renji's expensive looking sports car.

Kuchiki Co. was a big building. Byakuya owned all of Kuchiki Co. It had many companies world wide. Byakuya often went on bussiness trips and most were out of the country. It was Renji's job to take care of the company while Byakuya was away. Byakuya had a sister, Rukia, who was actually his wife's little sister. She was very little when her sister died. So Rukia was brought up as Byakuya's sister, fully inheriting all Kuchiki qualities including the proud walk, the emotionless mask, the death glare, and (only people who knew Byakuya as a kid could vouch for this) the short temper. Byakuya now, however, seems to have grown out of that quality.

Ichigo was playing with the radio. This was annoying. It only made the tick above Renji's head grow bigger.

"Just pick a damn station already."

"Not my fault your crappy radio can't get any good stations."

"Did you just call my car crappy?"

"'I was just talkin about your radio, but since it's attached to your car I guess that would make it crappy too."

"Shut up. Don't insult my car, don't forget that I'm the one driving you."

"Well you have two cars, maybe if you let me drive one we wouldn't be having these lovely morning conversations."

"As long as I am still alive and breathing you, Ichigo Kurosaki, will never lay a finger on this or any car that I own."

"Sheesh ya diva calm down. I wonder how Rangiku puts up with it."

"Shut up and pick a station dick."

Several arguments later the radio was off. But it didn't matter cause they were there.

"Can't stay long have to work too ya know"

"Yeah, yeah"

Urahara's shop was, coincidently, near Kuckiki Co. (Grimm: what do you mean coincidently? You're the one who put it in there! MDTA: shut up it's part of the story!)

Rukia and Rangikuwere talking in the lobby when the boys walked in.

"Hey Rukia, Rangiku. Sorry can't stay long."

"Hey Ichigo, we were just talking about how we're going to go shopping on Saturday."

"And I was telling Rangiku that me and you have a date on Saturday. Right" elbows Ichigo in the stomache "Ichigo?"

"Right" said Ichigo bent over in pain "Saturday, date."

"Awww that's too bad. I'll just take Renji with me!"

"Huh"

Rangiku and Renji were making plans. But Ichigo and Rukia didn't pay them any attention.

"So you really have to go now?"

"Yeah I gotta work the shop today."

"Well at least we have Saturday."

"You were serious about that?"

Ishigo soon found himself on the floor because of his stupidity.

"OW you midget what did you do that for?"

"Who are you calling a midget idiot?

"Idiot? Well whatever so what do you say we see a movie on Saturday?"

Rukia's eyes lit up "that sounds like fun!"

"well I should go now" gives a kiss on the cheek "bye"

Rukia returns the kiss "Bye"

"Renji I'll see you at home."

Renji was making out with Rongiku so he couldn't really say anything. Or hear anything.

Ichigo limped out the door grumbling about "stupid strong midgets". Outside it looked like it was gonna storm any second. 'thought they were saying something about a bad storm tonight. Fine time to forget an umbrella.' thought Ichigo. 'Oh well. Least the storm will hit later tonight.'

(just want to add, Ichigo doesn't get a ride home from Renji cause Renji works later than Ichigo sometimes, sometimes Ichigo works later than Renji though. To those of you who figured this out all ready I apologize for explaining every minute detail. To those of you who didn't figure it out, you're my special fans and this notes for you)

Ichigo looked at the sky, black and about to rain any minute.

Sigh "I hate the rain" Ichigo said to himself.

Ichigo had arrived at the shop and gave a quick nod to Tessai at the counter as he made his way into the back.

"Oi! Urahara! Did we get any jobs ye-" Ichigo stopped and counted to 10 in his head. Slowly. It wasn't working. His mentor, Kiske Urahara, lay spread over pillows and blankets. Hat over his eyes and noring very very loudly.

"Oh you've gotta be. . . Yourchi!"

Yourichi's head popped out of a doorway.

"Ah Ichigo you here. And yelling. How nice." She purred (btw shes not a cat. . . Nor can she turn into a cat. . . Sorry this is kinda realistic)

"why the hell is he asleep?"

"Cause he's lazy."

"Can you please wake him up?"

"Fine but you owe me dinner."

"Fine."

"Sushi."

"Fine."

"I want the old man and c roll."

"But that's 18 dollars!"

"Fine you can wake him up yourself."

"Wait."

"hmmm?"

"Fine. Old man and c. just get his lazy ass up before I kill him."

"Yeah yeah I know what to do."

Yourichi walks up to Urahara and says

"Kiske something is leaking from your room."

"Nobody touch it!" urahara bolted up yelling panicked and drowsy. He looked around for a moment then looked to Yourichi and said "Oh hey kitty."

Yourichi got the name kitty from wearing black cat ears all the time. The name really suited her.

"What would be leaking from your room?"

Urahara turned to Ichigo.

"Oh nothing. It just wouldn't be a good idea to go into my room unless you want to catch anything."

"I'll keep that in mind. Did we get any new jobs?"

"No. But hey, congrats on that last job there. I heard that your gonna make the news again tonight."

Ichigo smiled. "Yeah can't miss that."

"So now that we have some spare time we can use it to train some more!"

"Oh goodie."

"Oh and Ichigo."

Ichigo turned to Yourichi. "What?"

"Remember you owe me dinner one night."

"Yeah Yeah I won't forget."

"Ichigo let's go!"

"Coming hat and clogs."

Ichigo sighed. Great another sore night.

Renji groaned. He hated paperwork. He hated it even more when the pile was taller than he was. And he was tall.

Sigh "Better get to work. Gently . . Gently . ." Renji very carefully tried to take a paper without tipping the tower of paperwork.

Rukia, with excellent timing, decided to rush into his office yelling "Oi! Renji! Someone's on the phone for you!"

Renji's muffled scream was his only reply as papers covered every inch of him and his desk. All you could see was a hand and a leg.

"Uh he's gonna have to call you back."

Ishida thought he was going to go blind from so many flashes. He got jumped while walking into the building. It was Tatski again. That bitch just didn't know when to leave him alone. But of course he would never say those thoughts aloud. For one sole reason.

"Uryu!"

Yes. His girlfriend Orihime Inou was best friends with Tatski. Sigh. However she didn't work for the press. She was a waitress at a popular local diner and longed to be a cheff someday.

Orihime was wearing a light dress and her all too familiar hairpins. She wasn't due for work till an hour or so.

"Orihime!" yet he couldn't be happier "hey what are you doing here?"

"Oh I came to appologize for Tatski."

"Were those her exact words?"

"Well no her exact words were, 'I'll expose that Ishida to the entire world!'"

Orihime said this with hand motions. And a voice. But Ishida loved that about her. Sometimes she could be so excentric.

"So what case are you on?"

"I don't know. I was on a case before but now the captain wants me on a different case. In fact he should be calling me any moment."

"Oh that sounds exciting! You mind if I hang around before-"

Just then Yumichika came up. "Ishida the captain wants to see you. Ah miss Orihime! You look lovely today! And you know I don't say that to anyone."

"Why thank you Yumichika! Well I guess that's my cue to leave. I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Ishida came to give her a proper goodbye.

A minutes later Orihime had left the building and Ishida was on his way to get a new assignment from his captain. Both wished for a longer kiss.

Sigh. Oh well. Now it was time to focus. Ishida opened the door.

"You wanted to see me Captain?"

"Yes. Please shut the door."

"Yes Captain Hitsuguya."

Hitsuguya sat behind a desk in his own separate office. He wore his white hair up spikey and a nice suit.

"Ishida, I want you on the Ogichi case. I want that bastard found and soon."

"Isn't shinji on the Ogichi case?"

"Yes but they need him in another department. C'mon Ishida you know you the best we've got."

"Fine. How far did Shinji get with the case?"

"…."

"What don't tell me he didn't get anywhere?"

"You don't get it Ishida. This bastard is tricky. He's also the best at what he does. And that includes not leaving a trace."

"Well then where am I supposed to start?"

"For now just look into Newspaper articles. I hate to say it but right now they know more about him then we do. I want you started on this case this week though."

"Yes sir."

Ishida was about to leave. But then Hitsuguya said, "Oh and Ishida?"

"Yes sir?"

"Be careful, I'd hate to see this department loose their best detective."

"Yes sir."

(now it's been a couple of hours)

Renji came home to find Ichigo staring at the jar of pickles like it killed his favorite puppy, slapped his sisters, and pissed in his face.

"Dude you ok?"

"Do you realize that this is the only thing we have to eat?"

"We could always order in."

"Look around dipshit. There's a reason every light is off."

Renji just noticed how dark it was around the house and that nothing was turned on.

"Shit there's a blackout."

"Someone should give you a prize for being so fucking stupid."

"Hey your shitty attitude isn't helping anything."

"Well excuse me for being so fucking starving!

"Then why don't you just eat the fucking pickles!"

"The jar won't open!"

". . . .Your. Your joking right?" Renji fell to the ground laughing.

"It's stuck ok."

"Step aside and let a real man show you how it's done."

Renji took the jar and pulled as hard as he could. But the jar wouldn't budge. Several humerous attempts later the jar remained unopened. The boys were ravenous and angry.

"Real man huh?"

"Shut up! Not my fault the jars possessed."

"Wait I have an idea!"

"I thought I smelled smoke."

"Ignoring that. But we should get a hammer."

. . . "Yes"

After failing three times to locate a hammer due to the darkness Ichigo went back to the table.

"I have another idea."

"What."

All of a sudden Ichigo grabbed the jar of pickles and slammed it down on the table as hard as he could. Just as Ishida walked through the door with a bag of takeout.

"What happened here?"

"Oh . . . Hey Ishida. . . Want a pickle."

"That pickle has glass in it."

"Oh . . . Renji!"

Renji was grabbing for a pickle. "What?"

"Don't eat the pickles."

Ishida face-palmed himself so hard he knew it would leave a mark.

"Ok. Idiots. Idiots look food!" Both boys that were previously arguing turned to the smell of takout.

"Ok now that I have your attention. Listen very carefully. Pick up the glass and pick up the pickles and then you will get dinner.

The kitchen was never cleaned so fast. As soon as they all got their takeout the power came back on. The boys settled on the couch to watch the news.

Renjis was flipping through the channels when Ishida stopped him.

"Wait Renji I want to see this."

It was a new report on the assassin Ogichi. The Reporter had just finished talking about his latest victim.

"_Behind me is the house of senator Jonathan Willson who was found murdered just hours ago. As you can see his family is heartbroken. All of them claim to be sleeping while the senator was killed. I am here with Shinji Horako, former detective on the Ogichi case. What can you tell me about this latest murder?" The reporter turned to Shinji._

"_Well, there was no trace left. No footprints, no fingerprints, not even a hair left behind. It's like this guy's a fuckin ghost." Shinji said._

"_How are you so sure that this was the work of the infamous Ogichi?" The reporter questioned._

"_Because like every other sick bastard out there he leaves a calling card. When Ogichi assassinates someone he will always leave the same thing. A card."_

"_A card?"_

"_A very specific and modified card. This one has the king of spades and the king of clubs glued back to back."_

"_Fascinating and do you have any idea what this guy looks like?"_

"_We have three total pictures of this guy. All blurry. All the same. The bastards looking right at the camera, as if he knows that we're watchin him. He's wearing a black cloak and his mask." Shinji visabley shivers "the mask is the creepiest damn thing about him."_

"_Is there anything wrong with it?"_

"_Well if you consider a mask that looks like it's gonna eat your fucking soul right out of your body then yes something's definatly wrong with it."_

"_Oh my! Now I hear that your being moved to a different department do you have any comments on who will be taking your place?"_

"_I am not allowed to disclose this information to the public."_

"_I see." The reporter turns back to the camera "Next do energy drinks really-_

Ishida spoke up then. "It's me. I'm taking up the Ogichi case."

"What?" Asked Renji. Ishida would sometimes tell the both of them about the case he was working on and they would sometimes give their opinion.

"I'm Shinji's replacement. I'm taking the Ogichi case."

Nobody caught the surprised look on Ichigo's face, nor the look he gave Ishida.

"Dude I feel for ya. I heard that that dude's a shadow. Good Luck."

"Thanks."

Everyone seemed to have something on their minds. Except Renji who was thinking of ways to get out of Matsumoto's shopping trip.

A couple hours later everyone went to bed. Ichigo changed into his usual sweats. Before he crawled into bed he stretched his sore muscles. He also did some minor exorcises. He needed to do this to reduce the soreness of his training for the next day.

After this and his usual bedtime routine he went to his closet. He moved all his cloths to the side and took out a couple loose floorboards from the corner. Nobody would notice it unless they knew what to look for. After moving aside some of his favorite guns he took out his most prized possession.

The mask. Ogichi's mask. His mask.

aaaaaaaaaaaand tada! I'm so uber excited for this. J

I hope you guys are too


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

I have to thank Animelover4lifeZeroLuluHei for reviewin and actually reminding me that I have a major story to write. Just proves once again how much reviews help. Sorry for the long wait everybody!

Again I don't own anything

Renji woke up gasping for breath. Coughing and spluttering he tried to take in some sweet oxygen but his lungs refused to fill. Tears were starting to roll down his face. When Renji opened his eyes he saw the furious rage of Uryuu Ishida.

"Renji! Tell me, exactly, why there is no laundry done!" He growled.

Renji could only splutter for breath, trying desperately to grab at Uryuu's hands which were now choking him. Ishida had that murderous look in his eyes again.

"And because you two BOZOS forgot to go shopping we now have no food. Did you know, Renji, that there is currently NO coffee in this house as of now?"

Renji's face, if possible, paled even more. Uryuu finally let go after Renji's lips started to turn blue.

"I. … gasp . . . Have no idea . . .gasp . . . What your talking about."

"Don't play dumb I specifically told Kurosaki. . . " Uryuu's eyes widened. "KUROSAKI!"

Ichigo was sleeping soundly. Enjoying the fact that his idiot roomates alarm didn't go off. He knew he should get up but the fog in his brain was too tempting to refuse and he lingered between sleep and being awake.

That is until his door slammed open with all the force of a drunk rhino. Ichigo, because of his honed reflexes from the years he spent with his father, was on his feet immediately. His face paled when he saw a red faced Uryuu dragging a lifeless Renji through his room.

"Whoa Uryuu! Um . . You look good this morning. And who knew you were so strong!"

If looks could kill then Ichigo would already be roasting in the fiery pits of hell. Uryuu was just about to wring out the orange strawberry's neck when heard a weak voice from the floor.

"Wait Uryuu! Before you kill him lets think rationally and talk this out! C'mon just give me 5 minutes an you can have your coffee."

*5 minutes later*

Uryuu was nursing a cup of life at the table with Ichigo and Renji. Everyone was still in their pajamas. Ichigo in black boxers and a t-shirt, Renji in just a pair of sweat pants, and Uryuu in his blue striped pajamas.

"Renji, where did you get the coffee?"

"I asked our neighbors."

" . . . Renji our neighbors hate us for one and two they all are at work right about now."

"well not all of them lock their door."

"You didn't"

"lets just say that if you hear some noise downstairs, whatever you do DON'T go check it out."

After a while Uryuu finished his coffee and was able to have a conversation with the two idiots without killing them.

"Ok Renji you sounded like you had a plan."

Well duh! We should all just take a day off ."

Ichigo and Uryuu stared blankly at him for two seconds before exploding.

"WHAT!"

"I CAN'T TAKE A DAY OFF I JUST GOT PUT ON A CASE!"

"URAHARA WILL KILL ME IF I DON'T GO TO WORK!"

"I'VE NEVER TAKEN A DAY OFF BEFORE."

"whoa whoa guys calm the fuck down. Look theres no way we're gonna be able to get to our jobs on timeso instead of killing ourselves for no reason lets just take a day to relax."

They hated to admit it but Renji was right.

And so operation take a fucking break commenced. Everyone called in to give whatever lame excuse they could think of. After that they were finally able to relax. With one problem. They still didn't have any food. Due to circumstances being that Renji and Ichigo couldn't be trusted without adult supervision in a supermarket. They had to wait around in their boxers until they at least had some clothes done.

* * *

(A/n hey just so there isn't any confusion the next segments are gonna be the conversations that each guy has with their bosses calling in sick. For my special readers I will tell you that the order is Ichigo, Renji, Uryuu.)

_I just know I'm gonna get shit for this_, thought Ichigo as he dialed the number engraved into the deepest part of his mind.

"Ichigo how are you? Well I hope." Urahara's annoyingly cheery voice greeted him on the other end of the line.

"Uh yeah. I'm feeling a bit too sore today. I think I may have pulled something." _Well its not totally untrue_, he thought. Sorely reminded of the pain in his muscles with every shift of his body.

"Come now Ichigo. Do you really think I would believe that you let a little sore muscles would slow you down? I've seen you complete missions with both legs broken and an arm tied behind your back."

Ichigo smiled despite himself. He remembered that mission like it was yesterday. That was one of the fun ones. "Well what can I say. You've been training me really hard lately. And with my latest success don't you think I deserve a little break?"

"Don't get cocky. Which reminds me, we have another mission. You'll get the info tomorrow after you finish you double sets of training. After all, we wouldn't want you getting to comfortable now would we."

"No because allowing me to get some rest once in a while is totally out of the question."

"That's the spirit! Now I'll see you bright and early tomorrow?"

"Yeah yeah."

* * *

"Hello Kuckiki company, Renji Abarii's office Rukia Kuckiki speaking."

"Hey there's my favorite girl."

"Renji so help me god if you are calling in sick again . ."

"Now now Rukia . . "

"This is the 7th time this year!"

"What is it this time? Sports game, concert, date, chores . ."

Renji coughed.

"Aho so what did you forget to do this time, huh ?"

"Jesus Rukia you could be a little nicer to you childhood friend."

"Not when I'm the one who has to pick up the slack! Do you even know how much paperwork there is already?"

"I'll make it up to you Ruks I promise."

" . . . . . I'm listening."

"Ill buy you chappy."

"Oh no I've got something else in mind."

Why did I just feel a cold shiver in my wallet?

"There's a new restaurant now Chez Fillet and I want us all to go out."

"All of us?" he whined.

"Do you want to come in today"

For a second Renji had an image of him strutting through his office clad in his boxers.

"Fine you got a deal."

"I still can't believe your making me do this."

"Oh by the way on your lunch break I need you to come take us to the grocery store. Bye!"

*Click*

"Wait! Hold on! RENJI YOU BASTARD!"

* * *

Uryuu sighed, he knew he was gonna get hell for this. With each drawn out ring of the phone a thousand thoughts ran through his head. _What if nobodies in. what if I just hang up now, Im sure I could think of an excuse for tomorrow ill just say I was to sick to call or I had an accident or I fell asleep and just woke up from a mini coma_. Uryuu was about to chicken out and hang up the phone when his commanding officer picked up on the other line.

"Uryuu! Where the hell are you? I put you on a case and you suddenly can't handle it?"

"Its not that sir its just that I've come down with the cold a sort of 24 hour bug if you will." Uryuu meekly replied.

"Cut the crap Ishida! Now look," his voice got considerably lower and seemed to have a gentler, more caring tone to it. "I know that this is a big case, hell it's the biggest one we've got. But damnit I need you to stay strong ok? I understand if you need to take some time off to get your nerves in order but I need you to be straight with me and tell me the truth."

"Sir? Im afraid I don't understand. I swear its just a bug and I'll be at work first thing tomorrow. But what happened? I somehow feel that this isn't how you handle the other detectives."

There was a pregnant pause.

"Does this have anything to do with Shinji leaving the case?"

… Hitsugya was silent for a few minutes. Then Uryuu heard a loud sigh that reverberated through the phone.

"This is one sick sonofabitch we're up against here. I'll give you the run down when you get beck in. Let that be your incentive to 'recover'!"

At the office Hitsugya slammed down on the phone. _Damnit. That Ishida is too sharp for his own good. _

"Captain is everything ok in there?" Singsonged Matsumoto.

"Im fine Matsumoto! And don't you have work to be doing"

"Poo your no fun." She pouted. "I know what you need." She spread her arms and glomped Hitsugya. "A big hug!"

"MATSUMOTO!"

* * *

Uryuu heard the click from the phone which signaled that his captain had ended the conversation. _What was that about?_

"Hey Uryuu he finally got a some clothes done!" Shouted Renji from the other room

"How much"

"Lets see, about an three shirts, some jeans, a pair of shorts, and some slacks."

"That's it? Its been three hours! What have you two been doing!"

"Do you know how long it takes to do laundry? You have to wash it and dry it and fold it!" Renji said coming into the kitchen.

"It should have taken you two idiots at least an hour! And what are you covered in." Renji's sweats were covered in white foam and he was dripping wet.

"Yeah well its not my fault Ichigo put too much soap in the washer."

Ichigo's head popped from the doorway.

"Hey it was your stupid idea to have a wet clothes fight when they were finally done!"

"Oh yeah well when soap came out of the—"

"On second thought I don't want to know"

… "Do I even want to see the laundry room?" Uryuu asked rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I wouldn't."

Ichigo came in just then wiping his hands off. "Wouldn't want to do want?"

"look in the laundry room."

"Oh yeah not advised."

"WELL DON'T TALK ABOUT IT SO CASUALLY!"

"By the way Renji when did Rukia say she'd be here." Ichigo asked.

"Well she said she'd come by on her lunch break so any minute now."

"How did you get her to let you go today haven't you been absent like 10 times this year alone?"

"7 jackass. And I don't want to talk about it." Renji said, practically breaking into tears at that last part.

"Ok . . ." Ichigo sweat dropped.

"You'll find out soon enough anyway." *Knock knock* "oh that must be her now."

Renji went to open the door. "Rukia wel-oof" as soon as the door was open a tiny fist came through and punched Renji in the face.

"All right you bastards I'm here. Now what do you want." She walked in the apartment, keeping her fist tucked in and a tick mark appearing on her forehead.

"Ah Rukia welcome, I'm afraid you'll have to take these two idiots shopping again." said Uryuu.

"And remind me again why these two can't go grocery shopping."

"Don't you remember Rukia? Last time me and Renji went shopping we were wrongfully accused of setting the cerial isle on fire. Then they took our pictures and thumbprints and Uryuu said that we couldn't go without supervision again. By the way I love you." Ichigo added seeing that Rukia was surrounded by the flames of her rage.

She turned to Uryuu pointing "And You! Why can't You take them!"

"W-w-well you see Ms. Rukia I have to do the laundry. Y-you see we have no clean clothes." said Uryuu sweat dropping.

.. . . . .

"Renji." rukia growled. "Don't tell me this is the reason you couldn't go to work today."

"Well you see I, Ichigo back me up here buddy! Ichigo?" There seemed to be a lack of a certain orange haired strawberry around.

"Well he must be in the car I'll you down there Rukia!" he shouted as he sped off to the elevator.

Sigh. "Rukia aren't you going to yell at him."

"I would but I can already feel a bit of a sore throat coming on and don't want to loose my voice completely."

"Me too. Hey could you remember to pick up some lozenges."

"Will do."

* * *

"Renji did you even make a list of what you need?" Rukia asked. The had to find a store that didn't have Renji and Ichigos face plastered on the door.

(A/n btw they live in Karakura city so its not rly like it is in the bleach universe. There are a lot of grocery stores but its like any major city where they are not that far a way from each other. So they didn't have to go far from their penthouse apartment but you can still see why Rukia's upset.)

"Why bother. We have no food. What am I gonna do put what not to get?"

"Ok, Renji." a tick started to appear on her forehead. "then why don't you just get stuff you would normally eat."

"Sure." Renji started to throw random things into the cart when Rukia noticed that Ichigo was missing.

"Renji go find Ichigo. AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING."

"Ok ok no need to yell"

"which reminds me I need to pick up lozenges."

Renji looked all around for Ichigo but couldn't find him. He was about to go and endure Rukia's wrath when he saw Ichigo by the Rotisserie chicken area. Ichigo was staring at the check and Renji caught him mumbling to himself.

"Do we need chicken tonight? Sure it would make good sandwiches and the bones could always be used for soup."

"Hey Ichigo we need to go back Rukia is probably flipping her shit."

"Yeah sure just let me get our dinner for tonight."

"Chicken? Cool what else?"

"Hell if I know and didn't you already have lunch?"

"Meh. Here let me get it. Which one do we want?"

"You choose."

"Hey there's a honey chicken all the way in the back here!" Renji leaned foreward till his entire hand went into the shelf that the chickens were resting on."

"Carefull, hey why not just get a rosemary there are, like, five that I'm looking at right now."

"No wait! I've almost got it!" suddenly his hand slipped and fell right on the hot metal of the bottom shelf. "OW! SON OF A BITCH!" Renji yelled holding his injured hand.

Ichigo was shaking his head. "language Renji, language."

"Oh shut up. Son of a bitch that thing is hot."

"Hey try throwing some fruit in there."

"Ha" Renji grabbed an apple from the nearby shelf and put it the shelf. The apple started to fizzle and then caught on fire. When the fire went out all that was left was a burnt husk.

"Haha now put this cheese on there." As soon as the cheese touched the hot metal of the plate it started to melt. Till there was a black spot that smelled really bad.

The boys then started to throw things onto the shelf randomly. The entire section of the store was starting to smell bad and some of the employees were getting curious. All of a sudden the pile of burning things started to let out a high pitched whine. Ichigo and Renji looked at each other and then examined the pile. They realized that someone must have put cooking spray on there without realizing it.

"Renji you idiot you put cooking spray on there?"

"Don't look at me Ichigo this was your stupid idea!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

Before either could say another word the pile of burning food exploded and burst into flames. The explosion sent Renji and Ichigo into a stacked pile of cans which toppled over as soon as the boys touched them. The smoke alarm went off and Ichigo could hear at least six employees rushing towards where they were.

"shit Renji! Quick get to Ruckia."

They both got up as quietly as they could and made their way to the front of the store.

Meanwhile Rukia was checking out with a grocery cart full of food.

_Where are those two idiots? It's not like they could have gotten lost, they made it so an brain dead monkey could make its way through the isles. _The cashier told her that her total was 110.60$ and Rukia paid with the debit card that the three boys used for food and emergencies.

Suddenly a fire alarm went off throughout the store and people started to run out the door. Coincidently the two idiots were back.

"Where were you? I was getting worried."

"Oh Rukia look at that your all done wonderfull. Here let me and Renji take the bags! Leave the cart here and lets just get home. Now."

"But Ichigo, there are, like, twenty bags here! We need the cart."

"No see - Renji shes not cooperating." Ichigo bent down and flung Rukia over his shoulder while grabbing as many bags as possible. Renji somehow got the rest of the bags.

"Ichigo you got the keys?"

Ichigo grabed them from a furiously protesting Rukia's back pocket. "Yeah"

"Good. Go go go!"

They ran out of the store and just managed to see more employees run towards the part of the store that had 10 foot tall flames that could be seen over the isles. Most had fire extinguishers.

Uryuu sighed as he finally sat down. All the laundry was done. All of it!

Then the others burst through the door. Rukia had an unreadable expression on her face.

"Oh don't tell me . ."

"Hey Uryuu guess what? We didn't get caught!"

"That would imply that you would have done something Kurosaki."

"Crap."

Rukia came up and hugged Ishigo. "Don't worry Uryuu I gave them an earfull in the car."

"She gave the entire city an earful OW my foot rukia!"

"You should learn to keep your mouth shut Renji. Oh and Ichigo forget our date on Saturday."

"What! Rukia did I do something wrong? Ok Im sorry for whatever I did - -"

"No, it's not that silly. It's just that Renji promised us that he would take us all out that night." Rukia winked at him.

Ichigo catching on "Well if Renji insists."

"Oh shut the fuck up."

"Ichigo I have to get back. I'm late enough already."

"ok ok bye." Ichigo gave her a quick peck on the forehead. Before she sped off.

"I still don't get why she hasn't dumped you yet Kurosaki. She is way too forgiving."

"Hey I have some good qualities."

"Like what?"

"Like nonofyourbuissness."

Renji then piped up "Hey Ichigo?"

"What?"

"Whats for dinner?"

Aaand that's all folks. If anyone is super curious they had hamburgers for dinner. So anyways sorry for the suuper long wait but school kicked my ass this year. But at least I have the entire summer to write. I've been tryin to get back into this and its workin so far. This chapter was almost like a filler of some sorts. The next chapter will have some juicy stuff like what really goes on at Urahara's and what happened to shinji!

I love you my little lemon drops and stay tuned!


End file.
